We are all Messenger

From Facebook Messenger is Your New God, by Roberto Baldwin:

“It’ll be bigger than all the old gods and religions. Bots are the new gods. You’ll let their divine marketing language bring about a better life, a nicer meal, an Uber driver that doesn’t want a cash tip, and a cleaner shirt. Prepare to update and behold the company’s ever-changing app testaments and privacy erosion. You’ll confess your sins and be rewarded with products that will surely make it all better. It’s all going to be ok, because we’ve learned that all reality is virtual.”

“It’ll all be there for you in one app. Delete everything else off your phone for thou shalt not download to thee phone any other graven apps. Trust in Facebook and its decision to move all to Messenger for it shall become a full fledge concierge. Cars, rental homes, airplane tickets, jobs, dating, therapy, hospital visits (The more “likes” you get, the higher up you’ll move on the kidney transplant list), tax preparation, concerts, escort services, weddings, family reunions, funerals, Twitter, TV, and chatting with your mom who’s concerned that you haven’t visited in awhile. The future is coming mom, download Messenger, knit a VR headset cozy, join the community.”

Ha! No thank you.

Read the rest here.